Hilarity/Insanity

In raising children there seems to be a healthy dose of both hilarity and insanity. I've found the best thing to do is try to find the hilarity so as NOT to be driven to insanity.

For some reason I have been cursed with picky eaters. Dinners at our house have been unpleasant since Luke was about 3 years old. He is slowly growing out of his pickyness, just in time for Noah to pick it up. Let's just say that as INSANE as it can make me, there have been a couple of HILARIOUS moments with our picky eaters.

When Luke was about two years old I was tying to get him to eat some chicken noodle soup for lunch one day...

Me: Luke, you need to eat one bite of that soup or I am going to give you a spanking.
Luke: (with a big sigh) Just spank me, mom.

The rule in our house is no seconds or dessert until you eat everything on your plate...

Me: (seeing Noah slyly reach for the bowl of broccoli, which he happens to love) Noah, you may not have any more broccoli until you taste your chicken. And remember that you will not get dessert unless you eat everything on your plate.
Noah: (in a most unpleasant tone) Fine, then I won't eat any ice cream if I can't have more broccoli.

Sometimes my kids get upset about the MOST RIDICULOUS things...

Me: Noah, please go get me a towel. Noah, please go get me a towel. (I repeat many times to a child who apparently is deaf) Noah, please go get me a towel.
Elijah: (running into the room with a towel) Here, mama (yes, he still calls me mama!)
Noah: (throwing himself on the floor and yelling) I WANTED TO GET THE TOWEL!!!!!!
Me: Seriously???!!!

It seems that my life consits of wiping. Noses, bums, counter tops, floors, toilets etc. You name it, I've wiped it. Jack had been with us for four days while Chelsea was working, and on day four a funny little situation played out...

Jack: Aunt Olivia, I need to go to the bathroom.
Me: Ok, go get on the potty.
(Time elaspement of 5 minutes)
Jack: (calling from the bathroom) I'm dooooooone....
Me: Can't you wipe your own bum, Jack?
Jack: Nope
Me: Well who has been wiping your bum for the last few days?
Jack: (looks at me like I'm speaking Chinese)
Me: Jack, who wiped your bum yesterday when you were at my house?
Jack: I just went pee.
Me: Okay. (I then proceeded to wipe his bum and noticed that indeed he must have only gone pee for the past three days as was evident by what he had just done!)
Jack: (after getting off the toilet and witnessing what I just saw) Aunt Olivia, does log rhyme with dog?
Me: (Trying my HARDEST not to laugh) Sure does buddy.
(Sorry about the bathroom humor, but it was SERIOUSLY hilarious!!!!)

The other night my cousin Laura got married (CONGRATS LAURA!). Chelsea and Jack rode to Salt Lake with me and the boys, and on the way home Jack and Elijah could NOT stop fighting. They were fighting over singing/hurting ears, touching each other's car seats, pulling on each others car seats, coughing/hurting ears, who's penny was who's, being cold/hot...
After 40 minutes of the constant fighting I finally pulled over and got Elijah out of the car and put him in with Rick (who was following us). I had no sooner gotten back into the car when...

Jack: (Crying his eyes out) Now I don't have anyone to talk to. I'm lonely.

Chelsea and I just looked at each other and laughed... so we wouldn't go INSANE!